Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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