I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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