i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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