So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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