if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
