Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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