Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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