I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The air was thick with penises
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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