We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
