they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
