How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
