member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I believe in your delicious
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
