At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
