He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize