I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
porn star boner night. come get it.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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