I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
