It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
