What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
