he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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