Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
