I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
