Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
