Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
