You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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