glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
