when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
it glows. i had to have it.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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