We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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