so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
