Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize