.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
