I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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