if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
