we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
