I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
