Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
