it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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