also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
