i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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