i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize