2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
