im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
