i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
