he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
