I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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