I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
