Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
