I'm going to jail i love you
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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