two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i will never coherently bang her
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
