it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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