i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
