i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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