Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
