I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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