I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
