Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
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