Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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