Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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