Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
