when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
