So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
