I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
