It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
