I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Come see our sink grown plant.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
