Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
