Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
