Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
